Thursday, February 08, 2007

Janitorial Skills

Every week, I spend fifteen hours cleaning rooms that have been sullied by complaining teachers and students. Yes, I'm a janitor, so in honor of my disappreciated position I thought I would outline some of the skills and shortcuts I have learned over the past four months. These 6 in particular pertain to vacuuming as this has been my primary duty.

1. When using a vacuum pack, attach the hip strap around the back of the vacuum. This keeps the strap out of the way (since it is completely useless either dangling or sinched around the stomach).

2. When vacuuming linoleum, keep the side of the vacuum nozzle closest to you a little off the floor. Not only will the nozzle slide much more easily over the floor, but this simple action prevents against the fingernailsonachalkboard sound which is produced when it is forgotten.

3. After vacuuming a classroom, it is more efficient to coil your cord up neatly than waste time later untangling the mess which is sure to appear.

4. If vacuuming a classroom that has tables in place of chairs, it is often helpful to throw the cord on top of the tables to avoid catching it in the table feet. The cord is will run smoothly over the tables instead of being caught under its feet.

5. When vacuuming stairwells, always plug the cord in on the second floor. This allows for access to all three floors, but only if using number 6.

6. When vacuuming stairwells, you can reach all three flights if and only if you drop the cord straight down the middle of the stairwell, instead of letting it follow you down the staircase.

I find janitorial work to be slightly ironic. We clean for people who are always complaining about the uncleanliness that they themselves have caused. If THEY would be a little more careful, maybe we could keep up with everything.

7 Comments:

Blogger Jonathan Gerrans said...

Thank you for imparting your wisdom. I will be sure to attach my hip strap in such a way so it doesn't dangle, from now on!
:)

5:21 AM  
Blogger barry said...

Sounds like you're becoming a professional. Why not just drop out of college? I can see you twenty years from now, giving your now-famous speech on the art of vacuity and its relationship to effective presentation.

3:39 PM  
Blogger Julianne said...

You are gaining a tremendous wealth of experience in the cleaning department I see. Good job! Now you might know why I don't enjoy Crocs to tromp about on my floors.

5:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh. and you work so hard. you really do. sitting in the chairs, reading the collegian... must be tough.

just kidding. you're a good guy alban, keep up the good work. =)

5:23 PM  
Blogger Ansley said...

Brillant.

11:14 AM  
Blogger Ansley said...

Oops. Okay, so I can't spell. Actually, did you know that "brillant" is "brilliant" in French? I just learned that. I'm picking up French on the side. Ha.

11:19 AM  
Blogger ThrushSong said...

Alban, Even vacuuming is an art form. I'm sure you're becoming a master.

7:53 PM  

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